It’s one of the most painful and difficult experiences to go through: the feeling of being broken. It could be as a result of a broken relationship, the loss of a loved one, or a very severe emotional injury. It feels as if a part of you has been taken away, and no matter how much you try, you will never be able to bring it back again. But here’s the truth: It doesn’t mean that one has to stay broken. Healing is a process, and it may take some time, but there are ways to start the healing process.
1. Acknowledge the Pain
In order to deal with the sorrow, one has to first admit that they are sad. You shouldn’t try to avoid it or conceal it. In some cases, we pretend that the pain is not there, thinking that it will all go away with time. But time does not heal completely, only mask the pain – it’s action, knowledge, and acceptance that define the real change. Acknowledge the fact that you are in pain. Be truthful to yourself and do not turn away from the feelings that you have, particularly the bad ones. Admitting that you are in pain is the first step to getting better.
2. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grief is the deep anguish that follows significant loss. It manifests in many forms, including the death of a loved one, physical distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, and the constant replaying of the past. Grief can also bring about fear and uncertainty about the future. In its most intense form, grief can become life-threatening, weakening the immune system, leading to self-neglect, and triggering thoughts of suicide.
Beyond the loss of a loved one through death, grief can arise from many different experiences, such as the loss of a job, a friend, a relationship, an idea, or even hope. It is a natural emotional response to loss, and learning to navigate it is crucial. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it is important to fully experience the emotions that come with it—whether it’s loss, anger, frustration, or confusion.
It helps to allow yourself to mourn completely and without inhibition. Who cares if you “ugly cry” come on really? Let it out!!! Be unhappy. Sometimes, it’s acceptable and quite alright to be quiet in your understandable fog. People experience grief in different ways, but it is important to accept it. Sometimes, the feeling of brokenness is telling you that you need to go through the process of grieving before you can continue – grieving for something, someone, or even an idea that you have lost.
3. Reconnect with Yourself
When you are broken, it becomes very easy to forget who you are. Your identity might feel vulnerable, like it’s been crushed. It is, therefore, imperative to work on developing a relationship with yourself again. Get back to the things that helped you feel whole before this helpless state – a hobby (jigsaws, looming beanies), a means of expression, or even a nature walk (take your furbaby to the park). The small joys in life, which once brought a lot of happiness, are usually the building blocks to regaining one’s identity.
It is important to take care of yourself during this stage. This is not about making people “jump” from the situation or recover too soon. We should never forget that healing is a process, and that you must be kind to yourself as you go through it. Treat yourself well, but also know that it’s equally important to give yourself time to heal and not rush things.
4. Reframe the Narrative
Often, when we are broken, the language we use within ourselves is unkind. We move on to saying things such as, “We are bad,” “We don’t deserve a second chance,” or “We cannot change.” It is crucial to pay attention to these thoughts and question them. Ask yourself: “Why do I think I am a waste of space?” “Why can’t I change this into a positive?”
Transforming your thinking from feeling broken to thinking about growth is very powerful. Do not see yourself as devastated and weakened beyond repair. Instead, see this as a process of reconstruction. Change mostly comes as a result of hardship, and hardship can be used as a way of learning more about yourself – your strengths, your stamina, and your resilience.
5. Seek Support from Others
One is never alone on this journey, unless you make it that way!!! Hard truth and yes I said it. It is okay to have people you can turn to in times of need, such as friends or family. You don’t have to describe how you feel, but if you want to, then do it. Sometimes, just stating your feelings audibly can help in the healing process and give you some focus.
Interpersonal sources of support, like therapy or counseling, can also be very helpful in this case. A professional can assist you with the steps you need to take in order to get over the loss and rebuild your confidence.
6. Take Small Steps Forward
It is not impossible to get well again, and you don’t have to suffer for too long either. It’s quite normal to move slowly. Give yourself a few simple goals each day – for instance, to get up, take a walk with your dog (thats what I did), or be creative. Each of these actions can go a long way in rebuilding the lost sense of control and authority.
In this way, you will slowly rebuild your identity and confidence with every action you take. In due course, these small steps will add up, and you’ll realise that you are not as vulnerable as you once thought. One can overcome loss and get back to functioning in life – it’s simply a matter of time and healing.
7. Remember: You Are Whole Again
Despite how hard it may be to believe in the moment, you can get better, and you will regain your strength. You are not a disappointment. You are the person who gets up after falling down, and the person who is ready to keep going. It will work one day because the fragments of your broken self will help you become a better person.
It may be necessary to be patient and allow the healing process to take place. It’s important to be gentle with yourself during this journey. One should not forget that, at some point in the future, you will be happy again, not because the pain has been erased, but because you have gained something from it.
This is why I believe people should work on themselves more often because this is where they find the strength they need. I am saying this because I am living proof.
SERA J
